FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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