Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
