I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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