So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize