im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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