I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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