and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
