i permit you to call me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
