in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
