Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
