proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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