2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
