My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My life is pants optional.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
