Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
