After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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