wrigley field is MILF paradise
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
