I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
