Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
