Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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