I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you will always have a special place in my vag
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
