that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
