Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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