Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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