Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
