first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
