i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
