I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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