I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
