He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
