you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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