is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My day in three words: secret purse cake
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
