There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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