she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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