i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
