Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
