We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
