Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
