There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just made out with a guy for $7.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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