Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
