The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
