Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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