almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize