There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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