i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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