alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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