she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
