I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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