I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm at about main and main street
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
