Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
