i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
