Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
