he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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