it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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