Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize