I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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