I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
