I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
