how can u be prego again
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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