I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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