I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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