i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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