those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I forget how to act sober
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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