Michael Bay diarrhea
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
