Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
