I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
