That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
