I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just tell him i said nine months
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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