So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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