Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
