Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
