I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
