Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Let's paint friendship bongs
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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