You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The power of my boobs compel you
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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