after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
